Key Takeaways
- 1Treating yourself to all five love languages on one day can reset how you see your worth, even without a partner in sight.
- 2Writing a love letter to yourself and reading it out loud can feel more healing than any compliment someone else has ever given you.
- 3People pleasing feels kind in the moment, yet often invites people who benefit from you while ignoring your needs.
- 4Small daily gratitude, like noticing convenience and tiny wins, makes self love feel natural instead of forced.
- 5Scheduling solo dates and giving them the same respect as romantic plans teaches your brain that you are not a backup choice in your own life.
If you have ever searched how to spend Valentine’s Day alone and still feel loved, this is for you. I spent this Valentine’s Day solo on purpose. No secret situationship, no “maybe” date in the background. Just me, an Airbnb guest house, groceries for steak and eggs, a gym session, a fresh journal, and a whole lot of softness toward myself.
I have spent years online sharing my self love, confidence, and healing process with hundreds of thousands of you, and this Valentine’s Day reminded me why that work matters so much in real life.
Let me walk you through what I did, why it felt so good, and how you can steal the whole concept for yourself.
What does a solo Valentine’s Day even look like?
My day started at the gym with a friend. Glutes were crying, sweat everywhere, Lifetime looking like a luxury resort. That workout counted as my first “love language” moment: I cared for my body, not to punish it, but to thank it.
From there, the day shifted into “main character in a soft life movie” energy:
- Packing a bag for my solo stay
- Driving across town with music on full volume
- Stopping at TJ Maxx and Publix to grab groceries and little treats
- Checking into the tiniest, coziest guest house with slippers by the door and seasonings in the cabinet
None of that needed a partner. It needed intention.
A solo Valentine’s Day is not you sitting in bed pretending you do not care. It is you deciding, “I am worth effort, planning, and romance, even from myself.”
How do you show yourself all five love languages?
I built the whole day around the five love languages and treated myself the way I wish more of us treated ourselves year round.
Physical touch
I started with my body:
- Heavy glute workout
- Long hot shower at the guest house
- Moisturizing, skincare, comfy PJs
Physical touch is not just hugs from someone else. It is the way you move, clean, and care for your own body.
Acts of service
I cooked myself steak and eggs, adjusted my tire pressure, booked the stay, packed my equipment, set up my podcast gear, and cleaned as I went.
Acts of service for yourself look like:
- Planning ahead so future you is not stressed
- Handling the small annoying tasks your brain wants to avoid
- Creating an environment that feels calm instead of chaotic
It is you saying, “I have my own back.”
Gifts
Yes, I bought myself gifts. A new black bag, sandals, nail brushes, PJs, a mug, a journal, and a little rose.
The key part: I wrapped them. I used tissue paper and a real gift bag. I did not just toss things on the bed and call it a day. I treated myself like someone worth surprising.
Gifts do not need to be luxury items. They need intention.
Quality time
I stayed alone in that guest house, cooked, got ready, listened to music, filmed, recorded a podcast, and sat with my thoughts. Phone on low use, mind wide open.
Quality time with yourself is not just scrolling in silence. It is presence. It is hearing your own thoughts without ten other voices in the room.
Words of affirmation
The big one: I wrote myself a love letter before Valentine’s Day, then read it out loud that night.
I wrote about every version of me I adore, the healing I have done, the girl who used to feel used by everyone, and the woman I am becoming. I cried reading it. In the best way.
Writing that letter felt like finally hearing the things I had been wanting from everybody else, straight from my own mouth.
How do you stop people pleasing and start choosing yourself first?
At one point in the video, I talked about my past as a heavy people pleaser. The girl who would “set herself on fire to keep other people warm.” If that sounds like you, I get it.
Here is the hard truth I had to face:
- Not everyone values your effort
- Some people only love you for what you give them
- No one is coming to set boundaries for you
Self love is not just spa nights and roses. It is looking at the patterns that keep hurting you and saying, “Enough.”
That might mean:
- Saying no without a five paragraph explanation
- Leaving relationships where you constantly feel drained
- Refusing to laugh off disrespect
- Dropping friends who treat your kindness like a faucet they can turn on whenever they feel like it
You deserve the same protection you give everybody else.
Why does gratitude matter so much for self love?
One small thing I kept talking about all day was gratitude. Little moments:
- The Airbnb being near TJ Maxx and Publix
- The host leaving soda in the fridge
- A ring light already in the room
- Weather that made the drive feel peaceful
Most people glide past things like that. I treat them like little winks from God.
When you train your brain to notice small wins, you stop feeling like life is always against you. You start feeling held. Seen. Supported.
Self love is easier when you do not treat every day like a fight.
What if self love still feels awkward or selfish?
Let me be honest. Loving yourself at this level can feel weird at first.
You might think:
- “I feel silly writing myself a love letter.”
- “Is it extra to get dressed up just for me?”
- “What if people think I am lonely?”
Here is my answer: they are not living your life. You are.
Many adults still move through life with no real love for themselves. That shows up as staying with partners who treat them like an option, trash talking their own body, settling for bare minimum, and calling it “normal.”
Self love will feel strange if you have not seen it modeled around you. That does not mean you should stop. It means you are breaking a pattern.
A simple way to copy this solo Valentine’s ritual
You do not need an Airbnb or a long drive to try this. Pick a day and:
- Choose one act for each love language.
- Put it on your calendar like a real date.
- Dress in something that makes you feel fine, even if no one sees it.
- Write yourself a letter and read it out loud at the end of the day.
- Notice how you feel when you treat yourself like someone worth effort.
Nobody can love you the way you can. Not in the quiet, not in the real, not in the way that reaches all the parts of you that have been waiting to feel chosen.
Choose yourself on purpose. Not as a second option, not as a backup plan. As the standard.
