Key Takeaways
- 1Solo dates help you hear your own thoughts without outside noise.
- 2Most people are not judging you, they are focused on their own lives.
- 3Start small with simple solo outings if full restaurant dates feel scary.
- 4Time alone teaches you that your company is enough.
- 5Taking yourself out raises your standards for how others treat you.
One thing about me, I will take myself out. Sushi spot, coffee shop, random Tuesday afternoon at a restaurant where the bill is under twenty dollars, I am there.
In this video I took you with me to Sushi Alive, my little happy hour paradise with four and five dollar rolls and a twenty dollar bill that has me full and smiling. On the outside it might look like a girl eating alone at a table, but on the inside it feels like a main character moment, a reset, and a check in with myself.
If you have been nervous to go out alone, or you think eating solo looks “sad,” stay with me. I want to show you how peaceful and fun it can actually feel when you learn to enjoy your own company on purpose.
Why Solo Dates Are Such A Big Deal
We spend so much time around other people. Family, friends, classmates, co workers, social media, strangers in our DMs, opinions flying at us from every angle. It is very easy to know everyone else and low key have no idea what is going on with you.
Solo dates are my way of slowing all that noise down. When I sit at a table for one, I am not performing for anybody. I am not reading the room, not trying to be “on,” not trying to keep a conversation going. I just get to be.
A solo date can:
- Help you hear your own thoughts with no outside input
- Show you where you feel secure and where you still feel shy or judged
- Give you space to actually taste your food instead of inhaling it
- Build real confidence that has nothing to do with who is sitting across from you
Once you get used to it, sitting at a table by yourself feels less like “no one is here with me” and more like “I am here with me, and that is enough.”
The “People Are Looking At Me” Story In Your Head
Let us be honest. A lot of the discomfort around solo dates lives in this little thought:
“Everyone thinks I got stood up or I have no friends.”
You sit down, the waitress asks, “Just one today?” and your brain starts writing a whole story about what she must think of you. Meanwhile she has ten tables, a double shift, and is trying to remember who ordered extra spicy mayo.
Most people are not judging you. They are worried about their own day, their own bill, their own life. When you catch yourself spiraling, try this little reframing trick I use:
Instead of, “They think I am lonely,” shift it to, “They think I have my life together enough to take myself out.”
You can even turn it into a game. When you walk in, tell yourself, “Everyone in here is wondering who I am and why I look so calm on a solo date.” It sounds silly, but it helps your nervous system chill out.
What I Actually Do On A Solo Date
A solo date does not have to look like a whole movie scene with candles and a dress that barely lets you breathe. It can be simple.
Here is how mine usually go:
-
Pick a spot with good energy
Somewhere you already like helps a lot. For me, Sushi Alive is familiar, cozy, and has good food at a good price. Start with a place where the menu does not stress you out. -
Arrive like you belong there
Walk in with your head up. Smile at the host. When they say “Just one?” you can say “Yes, just me” with your whole chest. You are not waiting on anyone. -
Put the phone down on purpose
I love my phone. I spend plenty of time on it. Solo dates are different. A lot of the magic happens when I am not scrolling. Sometimes I bring a book. Sometimes I people watch. Sometimes I just sit and think. -
Eat slowly, taste your food
That first bite of sushi in the video had me in a chokehold. Take your time. Notice the flavors. Let yourself enjoy it instead of rushing. Pleasure does not always need an audience. -
Use the time to check in with yourself
Ask yourself, “How am I really doing?” No filters, no “I am fine.” You can journal in your Notes app or in a real notebook if that feels good.
None of this has to be perfect. If you want to scroll a little, scroll a little. If you feel awkward, that is normal. You are trying something new.
How To Start If You Feel Nervous
If the thought of sitting in a restaurant alone makes your stomach flip, start smaller. You do not have to jump straight to sushi bar main character mode. Here are a few gentle starter ideas:
- Grab a drink at a coffee shop and sit for ten minutes
- Take yourself for ice cream and eat it at a table instead of in the car
- Go to a park with a snack and sit on a bench, no headphones for a while
- Do a “drive thru solo date” where you park somewhere pretty and eat with music playing
The goal is not to prove anything to anyone. The goal is to show your brain that being out in public with just yourself is safe and can even feel fun. Every time you do it, the voice that says “this is weird” gets a little quieter.
Stop Waiting For Someone To Take You Out
A lot of us grew up with this idea that a “real” date only counts when someone else invites you. Here is my view on that now: I am not waiting on anyone to give me permission to enjoy my life.
When you take yourself out, you send your mind a very clear message.
“I am worth time. I am worth a cute meal. I am worth sitting down and enjoying my own presence.”
That energy spills into everything. Your friendships, your relationships, your standards, your work. When you are comfortable with yourself, you become a lot less likely to accept bare minimum from other people.
You are not hard to love. You just started by learning how to love yourself on purpose.
Your Sign To Take Yourself Out
If you needed a sign to go on a solo date, this is literally it. Pick a place. Put on something that makes you feel like you. Spend time with yourself without hiding behind your phone the entire time.
It might feel awkward at first. That is okay. Do it anyway. Over time, that table for one starts to feel like home, and you start to realize how good it feels to enjoy your own company.
You are allowed to be the main character in your own life, even if the only person at the table is you.
